How I Became Charming, Likeable and Delightful
I sleep very late. I commit suicide at 65%. My life is very cheap, it's
only 30% of life for me. My life has 30% of life. It lacks arms,
strings and a few buttons. 5% is devoted to a state of semi-lucid
stupor accompanied by anaemic crackling. This 5% is called
DADA. So life is cheap. Death is a bit more expensive. But life is
charming and death is equally charming.
A few days ago I was at a meeting of imbeciles. There were a lot of
people there. Everyone was charming. Tristan Tzara, a small,
absurd and insignificant individual was giving a lecture on the art of
becoming charming. He was charming, at that. Everyone is
charming. And witty. It's delightful, isn't it? Everyone is delightful,
at that. 9 degrees below zero. It's charming, isn't it? No, it isn't
charming. God isn't up to it. He isn't even in the directory. But
even so he's charming.
Ambassadors, poets, counts, princes, musicians, journalists, actors,
writers, diplomats, directors, dressmakers, socialists, princesses
and baronesses are charming.
You're all of you charming, very subtle, witty and delightful.
Tristan Tzara says to you: he's quite willing to do something else,
but he prefers to remain an idiot, a practical joker and a hoaxer. Be
sincere for a moment: what I've just said to you - is it charming